I Did The Stars by Marissa Hoffman.
An autobiography by a make-up artist formerly employed in Hollywood during the 1940's & 50's. An exclusive look at the classic Hollywood legends told from an insiders perspective. Marissa Hoffman's attention to detail -- from what color base Jimmy Stewart wore, to just how many hot rollers were used on the set of "Bringing Up Baby" -- is sure to shock and inform the average reader. A must-read for the make-up artist, or classic movie buff on your block.

My Crushing State.

Tuesday nicht, Kat and I donned our traveling hats and crossed the Hudson. We went to the Bright Eyes/My Morning Jacket show that was held at the ancient Loews Cineplex. I crushed over Jim James as usual. He is my dream boy #1.

Anyway, the theatre still needs a lot of work. We were there for the very first concert! I was reading on the site, that if you would like to volunteer – click here and just show up on the weekends. Might be a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon – followed up with old classics.

Over the course of the evening, I realized that in addition to Jim James, I am quite possibly crushing on New Jersey. I like a lot of things. You know, I keep trying to put into words how and why I started to crush over the Dime-Store-Whore – but everything either seems too wordy, or seems soo used.

I like the people. I like the people because every time I have been in Jersey – I have never felt like I had to prove myself. Everyone is pretty relaxed and accepting. I imagine this stems from them always getting the brunt of everything.
I like the tricked out Hispanics and their attention to cars.
The fat Italians and their fat cars.
The east coast valley girls – still using hairspray.
Jersey has seemingly real hippies.
Skinny kids. Seems like Jersey has more skinny kids.
The place is like a big sister that hates her parents.
I like the sloppiness. Its "backyard sloppy". Like when you were done with a day of playing outside, you go in for dinner, and before you take a bath – your mom starts yelling “Boys, Anise, Get outside and clean up that mess in the back yard!!!”
"But Mom, we're tired!"
"I don’t care! Get out side and clean up the mess you’ve made!"
So you go outside, and see the mess.
That’s New Jersey to me. A good 10 hours of playing mess.

Last night I was done with a long swim, and was sitting in a hot sauna. I was sitting there thinking about ligaments and stretching and how to make homemade bloody mary’s for a brunch that I want to have two Sundays from now.
Slutty Susan left her email open again - I just had to take a peek:

Marty –
Last night was fun. When should we come next?

And this one was strange, because she is never one to apologize.

John –
Sorry about keeping you up all night. I bet I can keep you up Friday night too....


Chatting With Mike Ochs or, How I Learned to Stop Wondering About Lent, Resolutions, Science Projects, and The Ochs Family Orchard.

Today is Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of Lent. For those of you that have already broken your new years resolution; Lent is basically another chance to redeem yourself. If you are Christian that is. Today marks the 40 days and 40 nights before Christ was hung on the cross. So during those 40 days and 40 nights you give up something of yourself. They do it for Christ.

A grave right next to a grocery store in Liverpool. Nov. 2003

I have with me an email buddy of mine, whom I have never met. His name is Mike Ochs. He lives in L.A. He too, has kept his new years resolution. This interview is long. We are both good chatters and interesting peeps. If you’ve made it this far – keep on truckin’ (-r. crumb).

Anise: So word on the street is that you have had one beer since Jan. 1st.

Mike Ochs: True! When I woke up the afternoon of New Year's Day, I realized how little I remembered of the night before. I looked at my cell phone's call log and noticed that I'd called everyone---little recollection of the conversations or the messages I left. And my friend started telling me about some embarrassing shit I did. (Mainly this consisted of hugging this one girl while saying, "You are SOOOOO cute! I want to tickle you!") So I decided to give up the sauce for a while.
In the airport the next day, though, I had a beer on my layover. I was like, "Wow! I can't keep a resolution for one freaking day!"

A: I am not going to count that beer. I am still impressed. What WAS your fave kind of beer?

MO: Bass Ale. I could drink it faster than water. And I can drink water really quickly. It also went really well with a scotch.

A: What about smoking? Did you cut that out too?

MO: I did. I wasn't a regular smoker, but I still think I was addicted. I quit in November because I figured it would be tough to handle quitting while starting all my other new year's resolutions. Except for some periods of moodiness, it hasn't been too difficult. This wasn't the first time I tried to quit. I think I was successful this time because I was tired of smoking, as opposed to the other times when I just wanted to quit. I don't know if that makes sense, but there is a difference.

A: So what do you drink when you are out, or do you just not go out anymore?

MO: I still go out, but I haven't really been going to bars. When I do go, I drink water (which I can drink really quickly!) or Sprite. Oddly enough, bars charge a lot for soda here. You would think they'd be like, "Ah, a designated driver! Let's support his sobriety by reasonably pricing our soft drinks so his friends, our customers, get home safely---allowing them to drink another day!" Instead, they're like, "Sprite?! You fucking cheapskate teetotaler! Take it on the arches, fuckwad!"

A: Right... being in California – is it typical to go out at night with a designated driver?

MO: Surprisingly no. With everything and everyone so spread out, you end up meeting up wherever you're going. When you do have a designated driver, he or she will usually sober up an hour before you leave instead of staying sober all night.

A: It seems to me (only because my impression of L.A. is Max going there in 1977 in Annie Hall) that you wouldn't be alone in your choice to clean up your act. What other things have you been working on?

MO: Annie Hall is fairly accurate, but it doesn't show the hard-partying other side of LA. There's all these new age-y, health conscious people, but there's also tons of drugs, booze and cheap sex (not enough for my taste, but there's a lot). I've also been trying to get to the gym more regularly (going well!), eat better (not going well), do more volunteer work (eh), and live within my means (doing well, but only out of necessity).

A: So, what are you giving up for lent?

MO: Carbs. I think it's the only thing I have left to give up.

A: How about you throw in the towel and just give up food? Just start taking one big horse-sized multi vitamin?

MO: Once my friend went to Japan and told me he ate horse. I asked him whether he was at
a. a restaurant
b. a stable
c. a brothel

A: And what did he say?

MO: He was at a restaurant; that was just my little joke.

A: I know. Speaking of horses - I just asked my friend Jeff, if he knows anyone that ate whole apples on a regular basis. You know, core and all. He told me that the only animals that he knew of to eat whole apples were horses on TV. What about you? Do you know people who eat the whole apple?

MO: I don't know anyone who eats the whole apple. And my family owns an apple orchard. Never seen anyone eat the whole thing. My ex-girlfriend would not eat all the way around the apple, though. She would always leave a thin strip of the skin. I never really understood why.

A: I wonder...

MO: She always said it was something about how the last bite hurt her teeth. She had a lot of weird quirks, though. She'd open envelopes on the short end. She would get pissed off whenever I fell asleep. Strange bird.

A: So wait - your parents own an orchard? Have you ever found worms in your apples?

MO: Actually, my dad's uncle owned the orchard. I think he's passed on. It is called Ochs Orchard, though. We would go pick apples once a year or so. I never found any worms.

A: Can we go apple picking this fall, or is that like totally lame for you - like working.

MO: We could go apple picking in the fall. It used to be really lame, but it's been a long time and I think I'm over that phase of hating everything.

A: Do they have hayrides at the orchard?? and P.S. hating everything is supposed to end when you are 21.

MO: Hating everything is out? Fuck, I'm old. And as a matter of fact, they do have hayrides. I think. It's been a while since I've gone. I could be remembering hay rides at a farm near my house.

A: oh boy, Ochs orchard. That is so cute. What in the hell do your parents do anyway?

MO: My dad is a chemist. He works in the floor and wall coverings industry and just started at a new company in New York. Long commute. Some nights he stays at a hotel.
My mom works in a senior citizen's housing development.

A: That is awesome that your dad is a chemist. Growing up, did he do crazy experiments around the house? My grandmother owned a hobby shop - so there were always cool projects going on. I could only imagine what went on with a chemist for a father.

MO: My dad would do experiments when we had science projects for school. Once, he helped me build this massive Jeopardy buzzer when I was in middle school. When I was in elementary school, he and I tried to make a battery, but it never worked. Once in a while he'd come lecture at someone's class. It was kind of weird. My sister was really into his science experiments. One year he took us to his office Christmas party and my sister wouldn't leave until he showed he some experiment with acids and bases.
That's rad that your grandmother owned a hobby shop. Did you live near her? Did the shop have model trains?

A: Dude. The roof of the shop was lined with model airplanes and there was always a train set being worked on. My grandparents are way into that stuff. I was into science experiments too. One year my family helped me build a miniature remote control windmill. Who knows why we needed a remote control windmill.
So okay enough Ochs family history. Back to the point of this interview. Unfortunately, at some point you will break the resolution, and lent will end, so choose one. House party or bar:

MO: House party---better chances of meeting cooler people

A: Peanuts or pretzels?

MO: Peanuts.

A: Brunette or Blonde:

MO: Brunette. Hands down.


I'm quitting my day job.

So I go home after work yesterday, and notice strange flashing in my bedroom. I tiptoed in, thinking James had left some light on, and that we were in danger of a fire due to some fuse about to explode.

Walk further into my room.
Notice flashing is coming from outside my window.
Look out the window, and what do I see in the apartment across the way???

A real live porn session taking place!! OOH wow.

Apparently the broker is lending the place out to his buddies before the place gets taken.

Oh yeah - the place is up for grabs if anyone wants an apartment that has been broken in porn style.

The same broker gave me my apartment. I wonder what happened in my room before I was there???

In fact, now that I mention it - the same dude gave us our beds too!! No wonder he threw in the bedding for free!


bored at the office? Amuse yourself with this bit o' Office Space script:

Peter: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. I use the side door, that way Lumbergh can’t see me. Uh, and after that, I just sorta space out for about an hour.

Bob Porter: Space out?

Peter: Yeah. I just stare at my desk but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too. I’d probably, say, in a given week, I probably do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.

Bob Slydell: Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and tell us a little more?

Peter: Let me tell you something about TPS reports...’

(Cut to later. Peter is more relaxed.)

Peter: The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I just don’t care.
So basically I am under the impression that to win or be nominated-for an Academy Award, all a chick has to do is make herself ugly, and act like a red-necked hick?
Really, if you want to sit in a theatre with a bunch of Manhattan intellectuals ages 50+, Seen-It-Alls, Been-Through-Wars bunch of people. You need to see Battle of Algiers. It is worth the ten dollars. A long film. Epic. Sort of like City of God mixed with Lawrence of Arabia (because of the women howling) mixed with Black Hawk Down (because of the alleys) mixed with Breathless (because of the Captain sunglasses).

The movie will make you think. Obviously.

Will someone who has seen this movie, send me a message so we can chat about it? Thanks.

One more thing. The women howling bit - I have added that to the list of things I would like to experience in my life. I would like to go to Arabia - anywhere its safe - and by chance, hear that piercing sound. And see all of the covered women just standing there. Howling. Yelping. It is something that I am adding to my Life List of things to do.
Charlize Theron is to Monster, as Hillary Swank is to Boys Don't Cry.

I would not compare Charlize to Halle. Like most are.


Netflix is my new favorite thing. It allows me to watch old classic movies on a regular basis, and has dramatically helped my hitting-on nerdy film guys... (because as we all know – the more movies you’ve seen, the cooler you really are.)
My kick-ass friend and fellow blogger MIKE TOOLE is equally obsessed with Netflix. I have noticed that since I joined, our Monday morning email typically consists of “What movies did you watch? oh, wait - how was your weekend...” so yeah. Okay. I managed to get a few minutes of his precious time, and asked him a few questions. It went a little like this:

Q: So Mike. You once referred to yourself as a quote, “Netflix Nerd”. Define "Netflix Nerd”?

A: Someone who obsesses about all things Netflix: their queue, searching for new movies, basically spending way too much time on the Netflix site. Then there are many times where I imagine where my movies are. Does the postman have it? Has he put it in the mailbox yet? I tell all my friends about it. If you happened to join in late on the conversation, you might think I was talking about my own child. Shit! I just remembered I had a dream last night that I bought stock in Netflix (Nasdaq: NFLX).

Q: How many movies are currently in your rental queue?

A: 270

Q: Yikes! What 3 movies are next?

A: In the mail right now (and should arrive today) are Manhattan and Rosemary's Baby. They just received Capturing the Friedmans from me, so they should be sending Intolerable Cruelty. But there's a long wait for that, so I may not get it. Bastards.

Q: How many movies do you average a week?

A: It really fluctuates. It's hard to put a number on it. This past week I watched five. But there have been weeks where I watched maybe only one, or zero, depending on my schedule. You can tell I wasn't busy this week.

Q: Have you ever rushed through a movie, just to return it for the next movie?

A: Many times.

Q: Ever lost the envelope? That’s gotta suck.

A: Not the actual envelope, but two movies have been lost in the mail. I've probably been flagged by Netflix now under their, "Might be a dirty thief" file.

Q: Favorite movie of the past month:

A: Dr. Strangelove

Q: Great movie. Favorite movie of the past week:

A: Whale Rider

Q: I can't get into that for some reason. So do you have a favorite movie snack?

A: Maker's Mark.

Q: What do you do when there is no Netflix to watch?

A: I go through the movies I own to see if there are things I haven't watched. I'm bad at buying things, then never watching them. My roommates bought me a movie for me birthday about a year and a half ago, and I've never watched it. Pretty fucking rude, huh? Yet, I did watch Super Troopers. Twice.

Q: Speaking of twos, choose one: net or flix?

A: Flix.

Q: Butter or salt?

A: Butter, hands down. Except for when you get it on your crotch and makes you look like a pervert. Salt rots your teeth. Butter merely clogs your arteries.

Q: Theatre seats or couch?

A: Couch, or the theatre seats where you can put the arms up and stretch out. Of course, you have to make sure it's not a crowded theatre, otherwise people will be pissed. I also have a pretty sweet rocking chair that I like to sit in. It makes me feel old and wise. I imagine Ebert sits in a rocking chair when he watches movies. And I bet he eats a TON of popcorn. Extra butter.

Q: So it's a friday night. Will you be Netflixing or going out or both?

A: I'll be Netflixing and taking it easy. I'm driving out to Pennsylvania early tomorrow for a bachelor party. Damn! I should have rented Bachelor Party!
Do you know how to clean your eyelids? Why don't you let this old British guy show you how.


Neglected Skier. Vail, Colorado. 2004.
Come on you big fish! You corporate loving, seat sitters. Get up out of your chairs, (or imagine doing so, because it will make you smile, once you hear this song.) and dance to "Come On Lets Spawn" by Make Up. One of my all time all time favorite favorite bands. Love them. More than I should. Come on lets spawn. Wow!
So Doug and Robin are riding the subway. Robin is talking about a doll that she wants from American Girl. Doug points out a dirty old homeless woman who was begging for change and says:
“Now Robin look – this woman cannot afford food or a roof over her head, and here you are wanting an 85 dollar American Girl Doll. Seems rather silly, doesn’t it?”

“Well Dad, don’t you think she is a little old for a doll?“


Today is a day when I pass time by looking at job postings, but only look at the cities where the jobs are being offered.
Snooping around Slutty Susan's email box, and this is what I found:

Bentley -
I get off work at 4. What do you say we get off at 4:15??

I personally like this next one. I hear her on the phone, and I think she met Gavin at the gym. She is one of those girls that meets guys at gyms.

Gavin -
What do you say we burn some calories at my place after work?


It might be fun to write a short story from the perspective of the caged pigeon used for chemical detection in areas of warfare.

I would name him "Perhaps the Pigeon".
Meet someone who started out with an idea, and is now receiving funding to do a project. Jealous.


If I were a World War 2 survivor, I imagine I would have turned to my husband and said:

"Darling, the War is over. Let's be frivolous."
I am secretly (well, secret enough to put on a 100 person per day blog) waiting for someone to write Don't Judge Me Just Cuz I'm White. A girl named Lana Harding should write this epic tale of a girl being left out of the office lunches with the "black" girls during her break period. She secretly gets all their jokes. Little do the "black" girls know... she lives in (gasp) Harlem!
So the other night I was waiting waiting waiting for the train at the Union Square. It was late. The local track was roped off, and there were MTA workers down there walking the tracks and picking up trash.
I was silent as they passed by.
It felt reverent.
I looked at the men. They looked back at me. I just stood there looking. They kept walking. Some kicked tracks with their boots. One tough guy was carrying a pick, and walking on top of the third rail. He was still wearing his protective glasses and his helmet. His message was: “I would rather get electrified, than get dirt in my eyes, or smashed in the head.”
I thought about what it must be like for the workers. Its late. Saturday night. For the most part of your duty that night you are walking along a dark track with 5 silent guys, and one dude that wants to get shocked. Every hour or so, you come up on this bright rectangle stage of light. Everyone is elevated. You can see all the couples pairing off. You can see the girl crying by the column. You can see the boy totally wasted and passed out on the stairs. All of this is happening freely above you.
If I was one of those workers I would want to at least once in my experience of having that job – want to walk by the bright station stage, and start whooping and hollering – asking everyone to do the wave. Just get a big rally going in your honor.
That would be an exciting subway moment.
Kat, James and I were chatting about the girl that died, after jumping into the subway tracks to retrieve her killer cell phone.
I was saying how it makes sense that we should plan out what would happen if we one day find our own selves on the subway tracks with train in sight.
I would either jump over the third rail to hide in between the tracks, or try to shimmy in that opening under the subway platform. James didn't have a plan, and Kat said she would roll under the platform as well. She said that would take all of her courage because she is very terrified of r-ts. Anyway.
For some reason, I always envision someone either pushing me into the tracks, or falling.
Sometimes my vision is so vivid that I grab the nearest column, just to hold on for dear life.
And for something to hug.
I would never do this in the summer. Only winter.

Another thing that goes through my mind, while walking the streets, has to do with the homeless people. Every time I walk by someone laying in their wool, trash bags mess, I imagine them grabbing my ankles.
They reach out with their car mechanic-by-default hands and bring me down, demanding my feet. I fall, and bruise my left hip. Nothing breaks. I try to scoot away – but they start growling like a pirate. I don’t want to touch their hands because I am convinced that one dirty fingernail alone could give me rabies. So I continue kicking, and maybe smack him with my bag a couple of times.
The other day, out in the country, I was looking at a telephone WIRE and realized that the damn thing was talking.
Just hanging there being the big bad transporter of conversation that it is.
I am surprised the wires don’t at least buzz.
I was listening to my CD player.
Sometimes I picture walking down the street with someone and having them listen to the same music I am. When you want that to happen, you buy a device called a Y wire-splitter.
I think it is called that.
I call it a "Y".
It plugs into your walkman, and then you can both plug your headphones into the “Y”. Hence you both hear the same music.
Another cool thing about the Y splitter is that it is bound to keep both users at a close proximity to each other. I would just assume both would start holding hands, or do the hands in my jeans pocket type thing. While walking to the same soundtrack. Separate from the rest of the city.
For me, purchasing a "Y" is like purchasing condoms. Both items require two people to function properly.
I was reading an article about the dude who runs the offices of J.Crew. I am not interested in financial matters, unless it pertains to Pixar, J.Crew, or Macintosh. Those are the three companies that I would give my hard earned money – in hopes that they would give me more money in return. So anyway I was reading in WWD about the new president of J.Crew, and his ideas to turn the business around. The interviewer was walking around the office with him, writing about how he runs the office. She noted that as he walked through the break room – he smelled popcorn, and announced “ whomever has just made popcorn – please do this outside of the office; the smell is distracting to your coworkers.”

You think at this point that I am going to say “what a jerk! What a slimy corporate punk”??

Nope. I totally agree with him. Don’t make popcorn at the office. It makes me want popcorn. It makes me realize that I am at work, and not at the movies.

Basically, your popcorn makes me want to not sit here at my desk anymore.

Same goes for the reheated Chicken Marsala from last night's hot dinner date with the steady patient boyfriend of two years.


360 on 14.

I went swimming.
I got hungry.
I ordered Veal.
"Never had Veal. I will eat Veal tonight."
The man behind us, ordered the Veal special as well.
"It actually, tastes a lot like chicken."

Never been to Park Slope.
Read a book set in UES, on the way.
Admired arms of short Jewish boy.
Dancing with James Brown.
He thought no one was looking.

Met a tall Christian boy.
Received 180 degrees.
Had no clue any of my degrees were missing.
360 feels nice.
"It actually feels a lot like living."


On Wednesday Tasha sent a package of 4 brand-new hardcover books from her office, MacAdamCage Publishing. I have yet to check out the books, but the list of titles include:

Me and Orson Welles by Robert Kaplow
St. Ursula's Girls Against the Atomic Bomb by Valerie Hurley
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
Above the Thunder by Renee Manfredi

So yeah, Tasha and I went to high school together in Alaska. We were both on the swim team. I called her Tasha Washa. She hated that nickname. I didn't.
Last summer, Tasha got married on a beach near her parent's cabin in Alaska. I didn't.
In the spirit of Valentines Day I have asked my Denver correspondent a few questions. Here's what went down.

Anise: So Tasha, why did you go off and get hitched on the beach?

Tasha: Getting married in a remote part of Alaska and forcing people unfamiliar with water into boats for the trip seemed much more exciting than getting married in a church in Denver.

A: Who's idea was it that your father "boat" you to the altar?

T: Actually, this entire escapade was engineered by our friends and neighbors Chris and Gigi Banas. (Chris is the dude laughing in the picture above) Jess, their daughter, took Blair (my sister) and I from their cabin to the beach in the skiff. They decorated it and named it "The Femme Boat" for the occasion.

A: Did yah see any whales?

T: The pinks (Salmon) were running and throughout the ceremony there were big fish splashes everywhere. It took every ounce of self control for most of the men there to focus on the wedding. Most Alaskans won't even eat that stuff.

A: What was the coolest gift that you received?

T: A loving, healthy, long-term relationship? Everyone knows about my problem with caffeine. The best gift was an espresso machine from my Aunt and Uncle in Colorado Springs.

L-R: Blair (Washa's sister), Tasha, Jason & Jason's twin bro.

Another present:

T: The morning before the wedding I was taking a group of guests halibut fishing on a boat I used to work on. Driving down to the harbor both twins (Jason has a twin bro.) were pulled over within 15 min. of each other. The speed limit in Homer is something ridiculous like 15. The officer was perplexed to say the least - and let us off as a wedding present from the State of Alaska.

A: So, how and when did you meet Jason?

T: We met in college. At the time, he was dating my roommate (here comes the drama) and Jason and I had one of those single credit, mandatory health classes called Human Sexuality together. I think this story can finish itself.

A: And how did you figure out that he was "the one"?

T: The first time he broke up with me. I didn't feel normal or happy to not have a life together.

A: Nice. How long were you guys engaged?

T: Six months - we had been dating for several years at that point.

A: And what are you two doing in Denver?

T: Herding sheep? I always wanted to head farther west after college but Jason has an identical twin brother living in Denver (two blocks from us) and they get separation anxiety easily. I work in publishing (does it exist outside of New York?) and Jason does some technical business job with spreadsheets, JDE, and excessive conference calls. I should know more but it makes me glaze over.

A: How funny, sounds a little like Chandler, and half the people in NYC !! So in parting, give us a closing wedding story:

T: We went to the Salty Dog (a saloon in Homer, AK) after the reception - Mom, Dad, friends - and we found a bag of pot on the floor. We were congratulating ourselves on the find until the next day when, in our sobriety, we realized it was herbal tea.

The tide, the bride, the groom.
Yesterday after work I went to the Cynthia Rowley fashion show at the tents in Bryant Park. I have always wanted to attend a show there, and was completely star struck and ecstatic. The theme of the show was “Midnight Tea Party”.
Famous people that were there, or people that were getting attacked by paparazzi included:
Lizzie Grubman
This one chick from Goodfellas
John Bartlett
The new Bazaar editor
Naomi Watts
Steven Dorf
Anna Wintour
Jamie Gleitcher
Andre Leon Talley
And of course, a few people that I “recognized” but couldn’t pin down name-wise.

The show was incredible. I totally loved a couple of the skirts, and I vowed never to eat again.

Unfortunately I got hungry this morning, and broke down to eat breakfast.

After the show I grabbed after-party invites for me and my number one party girl Kat. Party was funny. We met two hot boys. Bobby and Shane. They are in a band that is playing on Thursday. Check out her site for deets.

Okay so here are my observations from my very first fashion show:

1. The models are skinnier in real life than they are on camera. I really didn’t find it all that appealing. The clothes didn’t fit properly, and for the most part, they were treated as mannequins. Some of the girls looked so sad and angry – I wanted to run up and give one of them a cookie. It was at times, actually painful to watch. They are so fragile – yet are made up to look so tough and powerful. These models need to eat. You can tell when a woman is naturally skinny, as opposed to starving unnaturally. Its all in the cheeks & eye expression. When someone is hungry, they are in turn SAD. I have yet to meet a starving happy person.

There was this celebrity being hounded by paparazzi; I recognized the guy - but could not place the name because of my lack of watching TV. He was definitely a TV guy; seemed a little “West Wing-ish”. So anyway, he is being snapped at, flashes everywhere. After he leaves to go retrieve something, the cameras are still facing the unknown date. The girl continued standing as she was with her celebrity boy, and there were like 2 flashes. Everyone stopped taking picture. Now, this girl was very attractive. There was no reason why she should not be famous too. But as I was watching, you could kind of see the rejection in her posture. She looked a little sad that the flashes stopped. Then I thought: “flashes must become addictive”. Who wouldn’t grow addicted to the goldmine of flashes coming at you from everywhere. So bright. Like finding gold. That was the only thing I could relate it to.
In a way, writing is a kind of purging, isn't it?
Valentines Day Single Style:

Sad, how I get to work today, see that someone has gotten me flowers, and my boss automatically assumes that they are from my parents....

They aren't.


This is my new favorite website. It will be under "price" on my side toolbar. Thanks.
I can't imagine writing one whole book, all by yourself; and not being able to design the cover. I can't imagine that. It seems so obvious in a world where we judge covers, that an author should design his own cover. As crappy artistically as it may be.

What if all book covers were brown paper?


Yesterday I stumbled into this little shop that sells umbrellas. Nothing more, nothing less. All umbrellas. I walked in, and learned a thing or two about umbrellas. Like for instance in Europe, they make umbrellas more curved downward than their flat American counterparts. That’s fun.
The place is called Rain or Shine. They are located on 55th and 5th ave.
This European umbrella is pretty hip. Don't yah think?


Notes/ideas/reminders on my phone:

- Nobokov on Nostalgia

- Cliburn playing Tchaikovsky in Russia

- Straddle a pillow

- There is something so harsh about sleeping in clothes

- Richter at Carnegie

- This constant bundling

- A subway where no one sits
I would like to make a spin-off of Gus Van Sant's serious movie Elephant. The movie would be a comedy/tragedy set in an all-girls High School; and will feature a girl who goes ballistic during archery class. The movie would be titled: Delusions of Grandeur at St. Sebastian High School.


One doesn't wear this outfit to the Grammy's, thinking they will go home empty handed. Golden.

It's all about color coordination. Yonce-aye.
For one week, I would like to end every paragraph like Maude Lebowski. She says a sentence and then closes with a one word sentence. Really.
"Beyonce" is three letters away from "Beyond".

Bear with me.
Oh I am so depressed that they cast Claire Daines in the making of my favorite book of 2003 - SHOPGIRL by Steve Martin. How utterly disenchanting and predictable. Claire Daines is too whiney and ho-hum. Maggie G. would have been too obvious, Kirsten Dunst too cute. I think before they get too far into filming, they should re-cast the herione to a Thora Birch type character. I would have her calm down on the eyeliner tho. But I think she could pull it off.


Meet Jeff. The dude in my office that is running a 10K this weekend.

So anyway, I work with this kid named Jeff. Jeff is the guy that likes to tell people about this one time everyone was at the Kettle, and I downed pure Vodka. From time to time we will chat about sports. Well, okay we only chat about swimming and we chatted ONCE about working-out at gyms during lunch breaks – but to me that is talking sports. Another cool thing about Jeff is that he swam in college. Once at this bar, we got talking about swimming, and the next thing you know he is talking shop with my little swimmer-brother in Arizona. So like whatever. Jeff is cool. Jeff is a swimmer. Jeff is doing a 10K this weekend. I figure that is reason enough for interrogation. Here goes sumthin’

Q: So like, Jeff. Are you totally psyched to run a 10K this weekend?
A: I was until today. The weather sucks and my knee is bothering me today.

Q: Why are you running?
A: I am training for a marathon in April.

Q: Wow, what marathon?
A: Yeah. a friend did the philly marathon and kept getting on my case to do one with him. I had no intention of doing it until he said "P. Diddy and Oprah did them and you can't" That was the clincher. Now I'm racing and if I beat Oprah's time he buys dinner after the race.

Q: What are you going to wear?
A: Probably some wind breaker pants(not the pants with the snaps on the side...those suck) hat, gloves, and sweatshirt.

Q: Got any lucky charms?
A: I'm not superstitious about charms. I have more superstition about my routine before the race.

Q: What’s the routine? Jumpin Jax? Stretching? Spitting?
A: Stretching and how I feel when warming up and the music I listen too. I had more superstitions with swim races because I did them all the time.

Q: What do you eat the day of the big run?
A: A bowl of Frosted Flakes and a banana. Breakfast of champions.

Q: What do you think about when you run?
A: My mind wonders a lot. It could be anything from what I did last weekend to a conversation I had at work. I usually have the best runs when I can clear my mind and relax.

Q: Do you ever use the term "I am going to run out and get the groceries?"
A: No, I would say, "I'm running to the liquor store". Groceries are a different story

Q: What is your favorite brand running shoe?
A: New Balance, although I'm running in Nike now.

Q: pick one: swimming/running
A: That is a no-brainer. Swimming

Q: pdiddy/dudes from Kenya
A: P. Diddy had a good cause, but the dudes from Kenya are untouchable!

Q: volvic/dasani
A: Dasani

Thanks Jeff. GOOD LUCK THIS WEEKEND !!!!!!!!!!
In closing I would like to present a picture of a man running in a Leopard print tarzan suit:

This is from yesterday.
I just had a cool “Manhattan” experience. I went to the newly finished AOL Time Warner building at Columbus Circle. There was champagne, finger foods and best of all Manhattanites.

Every store smelled new. Borders smelled like crayon wax. Sephora smelled like new carpet. Jcrew smelled like dry cleaning. I felt the need to buy something. I went into Borders and purchased ‘A Love Supreme’ for 11.99 – 13-something with tax.

A cool thing about the opening was seeing the dirty booted construction workers mixed with the media snobs, talking about how they used to have to take turns going up and down escalators. How this buttress used to link to this skyramp. How Joey and Johnny used to eat lunch in that cafeteria for two years now. It felt rather chilly hearing all of that, because they spoke like construction workers speak of building the World Trade Center.

As I walked away from the building, I thought about all of the Manhattan scenes I have seen. This Time Warner scene made the “hipster” scene look so scattered and juvenile. Could one really enjoy sipping champagne, and wearing manolo’s as opposed to thrift store finds, and warm beer? Or is it all relatively the same?
At first I was not scared of the bisexual Upper East Side attacker. James was. James brought home the Post and Daily News – giving daily reports on the latest attacks. I just kind of shrugged it off. "Well, I have already been robbed. Like they say - lighting doesn't strike the same place twice. Oh yeah, and I am strong. Knock on wood."
Anyway, the tables have turned. Last night I couldn’t sleep.
There must be a man with a knife on my fire escape.
Oh go back to sleep.
But when I go back to sleep, I dream about the man with a gun in my stairwell....

I have to ask myself why am I so all of a sudden scared?
The only logical explanation can be the fact that there are two cops to every block in my neighborhood. I should feel safe. But living with that is somewhat unsettling.
You get so used to two cops on every block, that when there is no cop for two blocks you start to worry.
Start to wonder.
Start to get new material for the dreams you will confront that night as you try to sleep and forget about the two cops on every block.
Two cops on every block.
I was just thinking -- 'The Man That Wasn't There' made me totally want to marry a barber. It would be a luxury to have someone on hand to shave my legs at night.

Any barbers out there who like to read blogs in between customers?
This is so cool, that its just cool.

I chose to show you French Connection. Not because I loved it (i thought the movie was sllllllllllooooooooooowwww...) but because it is the most pretty when showed still by still, all mushed together:

It's a project called Cinema Redux. This dude takes film stills and puts them all toghether like a poster. He is selling them online. Buy them.


Current Post-It(R) Note work/personal rememinders on my computer:

Overheard work conversation number 982394:

"Yo, remember that S & M place we checked out?"
Well this is interesting. Our very own U.S. Government archives 25 films a year to be stored in the Library of Congress. The National Film Preservation Board goes through loads of public suggestions every year to whittle it down to 25 movies. I have now decided that job (the person who watches movies all day) would be the funnest funnest funnest job of all jobs. Anyway, this year the following movies were chosen to enter the below sea level basements (in alphabetical order):

Antonia: A Portrait of the Woman (1974)
Atlantic City (1980)
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
The Chechahcos (1924)
Dickson Experimental Sound Film (1894-5)
Film Portrait (1970)
Fox Movietone News: Jenkins Orphanage Band (1928)
Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933)
The Hunters [Kalahari Desert tribe anthropological film] (1957)
Matrimony's Speed Limit (1913)
Medium Cool (1969)
National Velvet (1944)
Naughty Marietta (1935)
Nostalgia (1971)
One Froggy Evening (1956)
Patton (1970)
Princess Nicotine; or The Smoke Fairy (1909)
Show People (1928)
The Son of the Sheik (1926)
Tarzan and His Mate (1934)
Tin Toy (1988)
The Wedding March (1928)
White Heat (1949)
Young Frankenstein (1974)
Young Mr. Lincoln (1939)

Just when you thought your Netflix list was shrinking, someone puts out another list of movies that everyone should watch.
Coworker ettiquette observation number 7689:

When your friend's grandfather is cooking dinner in his bathrobe, and then the bathrobe catches on fire, and he in result BURNS to death...???

Maybe you should talk quietly about that.

Just a thought.
Sighting Sex and the City taping in New York City is to Sighting UFO's in Nevada.
Dudes. Like totally totally totally. Manhattan has a new mall today, and it is actually legit. The opening parties were held last night.

I got invited to the JCrew opening today. Why? Because I am so cool, and I wrote my name down one time on one of those guest sign-in books asking if I wanted to receive updates and offers. Like Totally.

Other featured stores in our golden bubblegum mall include: Cartier, Bergdorf Goodman, Harry Winston, Pace Gallery, Chanel, Dior, Christies, Burberry’s, and of course Prada.

So In Your Face! Its mall time, and me and my girlfriends are spraying our hair, chewing our gum, and talking smack today at the new AOL Time Warner Center located at ONE Central Park.


Title for another heroine saves the day story:

The True Story of Jamie Baldwin: White Girl Who Brought Down Sug Knight.
One should realize that they are a complete bitch, when their boss walks up to them and says: "Oh wow! You are happy today!"

You think one would realize...
Tamara just said: "if you like 'Cry Me A River', try our new hit 'Laugh Me A Lake'."

bud dum dum ching!
Now you too, can know about what Anna's dad calls - "The Smoking Asshole" in Union Square.
My favorite favorite favorite company - PIXAR - is ending their Disney relationship after the release of a 2005 movie. Apparently Steve Jobs (of Apple iTunes and Pixar success) is demanding more money than Disney can give. At first I was thinking "money grubber" but now I think its great. Artists demanding their share. Wonderful. I think so highly of Pixar, that they shouldn't really need Disney at this point. Pixar animation is the best strictly-animation house in America. Disney should stick to product and theme parks -- I mean that in a good way.

Here is Bill Murray, singing, or hoping, should we say that there is 'More Than This'. Lets call it a nice sweet mumbly thing to open a day with.

I will post the lyrics, so you can sing along with Bill. These lyrics are pretty dope.

I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they're blowing
As free as the wind
And hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like dream in the night
Who can say where we're going
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning
More than this - there is nothing
More than this - tell me one thing
More than this - there is nothing
I would like to write a diet book titled, "The Frat Free Diet".
So. 'Seabiscuit' wasn't so bad. 'Alex and Emma' was.

The only problem that I had with watching Seabiscuit was the fact that every time Jeff Bridges spoke -- I expected him to go "I'm The Dude maaaaaaaaan."

So that was a slight problem.

And Chris Cooper? Consider me your new fan.
This morning there was a man laying in his own blood and piss in the citibank on Broadway and 56th.

I decided against calling the cops.


I think this is worth making mention of -


For some reason I am starting to hate the question: "what did you do this weekend?" or "what are you doing this weekend?" about just as much as I hate the questions: "so what do you do?" or "what are you doing with your life?" or "why did you turn out to be a lazy sack of nothing, after all the money we have put into your schooling?" or "now that you have graduated, how much are you making a year?" or "you live in New York City honey, why arent you dating? whats wrong with you?"
This weekend my friend Paul was wearing a shirt that said "here's the beef" and there was an arrow pointing down to his belly. So I thought it was funny, and being hyper at a show (oh yeah, Paul was on stage playing bass for his band "Live Girls") I yelled "HEY POUAL (i like to say his name like i am a native brooklyner) WHERES THE BEEF?!!" Then he did the typical whatever "right here" or something like that. Anyway, as I was thinking about where the beef was, I thought about those two words: WHERE and HERE. So here is my Saturday night thought:

WHERE is one letter away from HERE.