This blog documents how I spent my last two years in New York City. I lived there for 8, and blogged about the last 2 of them.

I am a full-time photographer now. Yay! 

flickr rocks my world on a daily basis.
as does INSTAGRAM.
hellodeer blog is fun blog #2.
this is a collection of diptychs i did during 2008.
random videos on youtube.

2005: 4 3 2 1

2004: 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

2003: 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3


when you move, you realize how heavy life is.


my hands are calloused & red from all this lifting. I didn't think I could do it myself - but damn, I did it all by myself. I totally needed help. But everyone was busy on Wednesday, so I did it alone. seems kind of appropriate i guess.

the cool part about loading up the car & driving across the country, is door to door service.

people. word of advice. if you move? DRIVE THERE.

half of my stuff has been packed in boxes and is on its way to mysterious LARKIN street in San Francisco. Yipee. My bike was the most expensive at 108 - artwork a close 2nd @ 103. My lying about things being books in boxes was the least expensive at an average cost of 12 dollars a box.

getting to use a dolly all day from the mechanic shop by my apt? PRICELESS.

yesterday on the train someone left their black plastic bag behind. my friend yelled out: "That is an unmarked package!" and then someone else yelled "throw it out of the train!" and then someone else yelled "it could be a bomb!"

all very thrilling. but another example of enough is enough. for me at least. one of the perks of SF is that nothing is underground EXCEPT the bart on market street ONLY. I don't plan on stepping one Birkenstock in the bart. at least not for now.

Many people have expressed jealousy and tell me that they are going to move too. Everyone except one couple. The couple said "we are still going to keep plugging away at this. We like New York." That was great. I was growing tired of everyone saying " I am so jealous and want to get out of here too." type thing. its like "okay then. leave."



a friend said last night that the way I say goodbye is very west coast of me.

some goodbyes have been brutal. I mean, just brutal. its like you know, years flash before your eyes. and then its like "oh crap. I wonder if I will ever see this person again. like, for real."

I've spent the bulk of my adult life saying goodbye to people. I say goodbye all the time. I have not lived near my family for 10 years. every year I have to say goodbye to my mom & dad - not fully knowing when I am going to see them again. do you understand what I am saying? so i try to save the crying for the plane or whatever.

this is very strange coming from a child who's mother is very good at goodbyes.
My mom is the person that waves in the car to her mother's house as we are driving away. I am being serious. She waves towards the house until she can't see the house anymore. This involves about 6 minutes of looking back at grandma's house and waving. I of course would be the one in the back always saying "mom. I think she gets it." and my mom would say "just wave." so the three kids would kind of raise our limp limbs and drag them from left to right.
She is also the mom that stays at the airport and sits there until your plane has taken off, and she cannot SEE your plane in the air anymore.

With genes like that I should be a sentimental retard. right?


And here's to new beginnings. Ms. Judy Garland lyrics to the song San Francisco.

San Francisco, open your golden gate
You'll let nobody wait outside your door
San Francisco, here is your wanderin' one
Saying I'll wander no more.

Other places only make me love you best
Tell me you're the one in all the golden west
San Francisco, I'm coming home again
Never to roam again...

San Francisco, right when I arrive
I really come alive...
And you will laugh to see me,
Perpendicular, hanging on a cable car

San Francisco, let me beat my feet
Up and down Market Street
I'm gonna climb Nob Hill, just to watch it get dark
From the top of the mark

There's Brooklyn Bridge, London Bridge,
And the Bridge of San Louis Rey
But the only bridge, that's a real gone bridge,
Is the bridge across the bay

San Francisco, I'm coming home again,
Never to roam again, by gum
San Francisco, I don't mean Frisco
San Francisco, here I come!


My pope jope:
instead of saying "is the pope catholic?" (in response to someone asking me an obvious question.) I am going to say: "is the pope dead?"

don't you think his death was such a wish-wash, that maybe he will take on the assumption like elvis?
like: oh I saw the pope the other day at better burger getting air baked fries.

I love this picture of Leyla. Hmm. I don't think I took this one. buts its on my camera.

wow. sometimes I walk around new york and I am like kind of floating because I don't really believe that I am leaving.

am I?

the only time I know I am leaving is after taking the subway ANYWHERE. I get out of the stinky, sweaty car - run up the stairs holding my breath all the way and gulp in the fresh air to exclaim "OHHHH GOD!!!"

The subway air was suffocating my poor spirit. I could feel it in my pores & taste it on my buds.

So I am taking cabs this week. last night I went to a birthday party. 79 to 18. 14 dollars. no joke. I'm goin out in style.

I will be living in California next week at this time. doesn't that seem so fake? "California Max". Sometimes its more like a joke, right?

Sometimes I worry that they might not be as "serious" and "gloomy" as we are in NYC. We are a serious people. We are dark. I fear that all of the patchouli & "lets look towards the sun" stuff might wear thin. Well not "wear thin" but I fear I am not going to take it seriously. like at first I will laugh about it and be like "wow that’s nuts!" but then I will want them to laugh about it too -and once they don't start laughing, and keep doing the patchouli thing - I will be like "oh shit."

and that’s why I was placed in apartment number 22. According to my Reformed Deadhead Landlord on Larkin, he placed me in 22, because a girl from Brooklyn is in 23.

I already think she wears black and has dark hair. its going to be funny to meet a blonde bombshell.

I hope she has a jewish mother that visits often. That’s the most I can hope for. But if she moved west, chances are she is from a broken home.

Its funny when people start reciting Beastie Boy lyrics together. We all know them. People in Atlanta say "party people going places on the D train." and they don't even have a D train. Or is it G train, because we don't really have a D train either. or maybe its Mike D talking about you know, his "d-train" like "if I ate spinach I'd be called Spinach D." type thing. Anyway after a Beastie Boys rant - I am always shocked by who knows what song, and then I sit there the next day wondering when people learned the lyrics to 3-minute rule. I like to know when people learn lyrics and why. Why 3-minute rule? How old were you? 15?

the age range at my going away party was 8 months to 77 years. Is that a sign of success? or is a successful party the fact that I was able to pretend like I was in college again = dancing to the pixies at this place that everyone called "the G-spot". I'd say that was the kicker.

Tonight at Swatters Birthday, I would like to demand a little Interpol dancing, and I would like to suggest we move from Pauls Boutique to Ill Communications.

4 10 12 8 2 6 9 & 3


geesh. so many topics have been covered over the past few days. and wouldn't you know it - they were all verbal. with other people! thus proving I can communicate outside of blog & email. whew. I was worried. anyway it helps when you decide to spend your last two weeks staying up late, mixing leftovers, and making plastic pipes.

no more terry shiavo
I gave my juicer away
organizing mixed tape jives
oh, I heard new pink floyd today

during the past two weeks I have been introduced to 4 albums that I can't believe I haven't know previously.

1. bruce springsteen - Nebraska
2. nine inch nails. I own the album - but never listened.
3. pink floyd - meddle
4. loudon wainwright in general

Lets just say this has made packing a whole new experience. I used to pack to Rusted Root. It's exciting, blah blah blah. but now I am like all grown-up and staying-up - so pink floyd, trent reznor, johnny cash saying "reach out touch faith" make an okay mix at 1am, 2 boxes, 3 hits, 4 visitors in.


of packing & music

and boxing & brewing


I went over to San Francisco to get a transfer with my job, and check things out. I liked what I saw, and I got the transfer.

Here is my new office. Kinda looks like NYC, right?

But not quite.
I gotta switch gears like a cable-car yo.

Cities have different languages. I obviously know NYC language. For example - Greenwhich is pronounced Gren-itch, Flat-iron is not Flateron, and Howston is not Hewston.
I am pretty sure I messed up one word already - because I got a strange look when I asked about "Minna" street - and pronounced it Minna - when it should have been Mean-ah.

My fave part of the trip was taking a ferry over to Marin County - where I plan on living - not immediately - its going to have to be put on hold for a few months - because i want to try the city for a little bit.

I repeat. A little bit. I am tired of pavement. I want a dog. I don't want to pick up dog shit on pavement - nor do I want my future pooch shitting on pavement. So thats the plan. I went across the bay to investigate.

Here is the boat:

Sausalito is the first town when you enter Marin from the Golden Gate side:

Since it was cloudy, i indulged and took a picture of a little bit o' blue.

I didn't have my camera on me when the sun was shining & I was kind of rushed - so thats a little sneak-peek at the new digs.

on a closing note:
San Andreas Fault lyrics from Tigerlily - Natalie Merchant:
go west,
paradise is there
you'll have all that you can eat
of milk and honey over there

you'll be the brightest star
the world has ever seen
sun-baked slender heroine
of film and magazine

go west
paradise is there
you'll have all that you can eat
of milk and honey over there

you'll be the brightest light
the world has ever seen
the dizzy height of a jet-set life
you could never dream

your pale blue eyes
strawberry hair
lips so sweet
skin so fair

your future bright
beyond compare
it's rags to riches
over there

San Andreas Fault
moved it's fingers
through the ground
earth divided
plates collided
such an awful sound

San Andreas Fault
moved its fingers
through the ground
terra cotta shattered
and walls came
tumbling down

o promised land
o wicked ground
build a dream
tear it down

o promised land
what a wicked ground
build a dream
watch it fall down



Don't these pictures look like those creepy victorian pictures they used to take of dead people? Kinda cool. But don't worry, I am not dead yet, and I am not victorian, silly!

I went to the Rodan+Fields counter at Bendels, because Proactive has been eating away at my skin. Joann at the YSL Bergdorf counter sent us over to check it out.
They have this really cool camera at the counter where they take a picture of your skin twice. The first photo is my face as you & I see it. The second image shows the sun damage on my face. yikes! looks like I don't really put sunscreen on around my chin/cheeks area. I thought mine was bad, but then my friend had hers done, and YOWSER. her face was BLACK in the second image. literally.

So for the rest of the afternoon I called her Shanikwa.


I am reading a travel book called Coastal California published by Compass American Guides. Its such a shiny little gem! Here is a typical passage describing a walk through San Francisco:

"The last time I took in the view from Coit Tower was one of those beautiful clear mornings, when the cerulean sky above San Francisco Bay was streaked with fair-weather cirrus clouds, and house finches were singing in the shrubbery of tiny city backyards."

Now isn't that a sentence for the folks back home. If only all travel books were so eloquent. Bravo John Doerper. Bravo.


Sitting on Broadway after Lenape performance with paper-mache deer.



Today is a springy day in Anise world, and today is hamster day in Robin world.

She has been talking about getting a hamster for the past 10 days, and spends about the first hour of our meetings talking about getting a hamster. I find myself going like this, while she blabs about hamsters.


“you don’t really care about hamsters do you?”


So she has been parading the hamster around, and it just fell asleep in her hand. And now she is crying. Well she is not doing it all this very second – I mean, I am blogging for crying out loud.
She WAS crying, and I told her to get in the bath – and leave the hamster alone.
Doug then interjected and said “robin stop crying and leave the god damned hamster alone!”
So then she freaks out even more.
“you know what robin – I will call the pet store, if you get in the bath and chill-out! You and the hamster need to adjust to each other. Now put it back in its cage.”
So she put it back, and is now in the bath.
I called the petstore, and they said what we all thought they would say.
I mean for heaven’s sake. The dang thing left its mother today. The least we could do is let it walk around its new plastic cage, and sniff out its new house.
Robin disagreed however and shouted “well what if you were taken away from your parents today! Wouldn’t you want someone to hold you!”

Yes and no.

So anyway, the hamster is named reeses, and her and Isabel plan on getting another hamster and naming it pieces. Then they both plan on breeding the poor things (if they make it to 3 months) and selling their children on the steps of the Metropolitan.

I want her to tell you all of this – because its far more interesting than anything I have to offer, but she won’t budge, and insists on torturing this fuzzy rodent.

Now she’s out of the bath and yelling “you don’t have to call the pet store anymore!!”

Okay. I wonder how the hamster escaped rodent life. Rats & Mice are still roaming the subway and apartment-wall tunnels.
And now some lucky hamster has a better apartment than me.


Actually, Sunday ended up being mildly productive. Getting back into the sunny, strolling city was such a treat. I did all my favorite city things in about 3 hours. And in fact I DID find a suit.
Last night I loved manhattan. 46th and Madison is one of my top 5 places on the island - I am talking about outside - street things. Excluding buildings, monuments, landmarks, blah blah. the area around Grand Central - those 5 blocks surrounding are in the top 5.

Lets see, my top 5 list:
1. Avenue of the Americas from 59 to 49. those Midtown buildings that all look the same, like tunnels. They can be so creepy & massive. I think that feeling is what other cities try to emulate.
2. those dark streets around Grand Central. Near the bar Annie Moore & the Lexington overpass area by the Met building.
3. East River promenade. it’s the only place to think about things as far as I am concerned.
4. 5th avenue up by the plaza - and down to Rockcenter only at night after the tourists have gone to bed.
5. weekend mornings - the financial district is was cool to go down and zig zag through the cobblestone streets. only in the morning tho. and of course I only did this when the world trade center was still standing, and I lived in the west village. I imagine it wouldn't be the same now, so I will add a 6th favorite.
6. the reservoir at the park.


Well I did have half-plans to spend Sunday:
1. sleeping!!
2. going suit shopping because of some upcoming job interviews.
Instead I am out in cozy rye, drinking diet pepsis, reading magazines & watching back2back movies.
I saw Out of Africa for the first time. Huh. Great movie. Geesh – I would have gone for Barkley if I was Caren Blixzen. Let the playboy be with all his girls – but Caren was so special, and so was Barkley – I think they should have been together.

Which reminds me. This week I met a boy named Barkley on the PATH train going into the city. We were chatting chatting chatting (he has REALLY great eyes) and then I said - "so where are you headed?"
"where do you work?"
"wow - dressed like that!? What do you do at CVS?" (he was dressed REALLY well)
"no - cBs!"

I will miss rye & family.

I will also miss quiet Grand Central on Sunday nights - when all the "single kids" trek back into the city. Now that I know a bartender at Michael Jordan's bar - some Sundays I will drop in and have a drink with her to recap the week. This Sunday however, Mona is driving into the city for a babyshower.

I like driving in too. In fact, I love driving the Hutchingson Parkway. In college we used to drive into the city - and I would demand everyone take "The Hutch".
Anyway back to rye - it’s the total escape from the city. I guess I could go to the mall and get all that “suit” business taken care of.

Nah. I can do that after work some day this week.

I would much rather just sit here sipping diet cokes and checking websites. Isn’t that what Sunday’s are for?
I think so.


yo this queens of the stone age photo kicks.

they got a new one out. you know its on the list baby!

current list of new albums i want to buy:
fiona apple
julie doiron
kings of leon
queens of the stone age
tori amos
kelly clarkson
cat power


hey. look at the 2005 edition of the neglected skier. You have to admit, she's getting better, right?


this morning i enjoyed the weather. i wore my favorite windbreaker. the one with the upturned collar that makes me feel like i should be walking a great dane or dating sherlock. i wore it and i walked to the subway.
the wet ground & dry sky felt like homer, alaska.
waiting for the walk sign, i thought about school trips we used to take across the bay. i don't like stepping on seaweed, and always felt bad for the barnacles and mussels when the boys would go crunching.
barnacles in general – even when on the old logs, remind me of cysts and acne scars. nothing makes me more queasy than seeing barnacles on a whale. if i were a marine biologist, i would secretly scrape them off the whale. it can’t be beneficial to their complexion.

and then i realized no cars were coming, so i started walking again.

when i was in seattle for those few early northwest hours, i was jumpy. running lights, dodging people. what was i possibly in a hurry for. but still, i tapped my feet on curbs.
"there are no cars! what are these people waiting for! cross!”
hating the feeling of rush.
“just calm down you fool. you have like 6 hours to spend in the city. relax. walk around. have a seat. watch”
“whats going on here? is there a car i can’t see? why aren’t these people crossing the street???!?”
this went on until i decided to give in and follow the seattle groove and not jaywalk. i mean, it got so weird-feeling that i thought maybe they could see some semi on its way down some hill, and i was the fool.
but i was the fool. with all that rushing about.

back to this morning and it being a morning where i looked at grey sky number 88943, and thought about how comforting grey skies can be.
sometimes blue skies have no end – they are so open. its nice every once in a while to know that the clouds are hugging your little city & that you can only see whats in front of you.

9 hours later, i retreated the cloud-protected offce and realized that it had since snowed, i had lost my voice, and a 9 year old was waiting for me to pick her up from school. so i went to get the 9 year old. she was happy. glad to be out of school. we dodged puddles and took the local to 79.
once there, i saw the note:
"anise – broccoli in the steamer, chicken roast in the oven. turn steamer knob to 15, and oven to 175. let sit for about 20 minutes.

he signed it kisses. i felt home-cooked.

so we started playing a hamster game.
i was sitting next to the stove. with the roasted chicken.
she said “anise can i have some chicken?” i said “sure!” stayed seated, opened the stove, pulled out the roasted chicken and plopped it down in front of her.

i thought it was amusing. like a nightmare from pleasantville or something. doug just stood there looking at me (probably because i felt like re-enacting the situation 3 more times), and robin unphased, asked for a fork.

and THAT was my highlight of my day.
~ “sure!” plop. (perfectly roasted chicken on table.) “can i have a fork?” ~

that and bill buying me a crab sandwich from yellas.


This weekend I looked at my friend in her wedding dress, tried on a couple bridemaids dresses, and thought about why i should start dating.
I found my veil. at first i tried it on as a joke. put it on, and then burst into her dressing room - "poof! I'm a BRIDE!"
And then we laughed, and then we all grew quiet because i was awe-struck by her BEAUTIFUL GOWN.
afterwards, while everyone was changing, i snuck back to the platform with my veil. Its vintage. Even kristin said it was "so me". but it was 7 hundred dollars? what the hell? i need a computer more than i need a veil.
its beautiful tho - and my gosh i looked like a doll. like i literally did look like a doll? it was weird. So I found my veil.
I still don't want a big wedding tho. I never really dreamnt of a big wedding to be totally honest. The whole thing is fun to be a part of, but has never been anything i imagined myself actually having.

My idea of the perfect wedding has always involved a quiet hill, and a tea-stained dress.


Oh golly. wouldn't you know today is my blog's 2nd birthday. already? already. i remember the first day i started this thing. seems like two years ago.
And I still don't have my own computer.
Happy birfday blog. what a moody beast you are. what an unpredictable tyrant of too much information and me me me's. you are the most selfish 2 year old i know. at the moment i don't know any two year olds except you - and damn it all if other two year olds act like you.

So here is a picture of a furry dog. I didn't take the picture. Wouldn't you know this is a picture of a dog on its 2nd birthday? if you google image 2nd birthday - you get a slew of family websites. its really fun. i love family websites. google image birthdays, and you too can share the joy of family websites. yipee!


I have been having anxiety about leaving. nothing bad or alarming - its just a change, and duh, I am doing it alone and whatever, its going to be tough. right? but worth it. maybe.
or maybe I will move back in one year. but at least I will have given northern California a chance. as I have always wanted to do at some point.
this was comforting to read.
the boss is gone
the music's on

my nose is always full of snot.

the sun is out
its all about

thats the only rhyme i got.

gosh! if that sun is not shining bright over midtown Manhattan! I would say its the first sunny day since that last sunny day we had about 3 weekends ago. remember that one?? And now there's this one!
Weekend plans are looking just that much brighter! I am off to Rhode Island to pick out pretty dresses because guess what? I was asked to be in a wedding! This will be my come-back performance from my last performance in Minnesota - where I starred as the flower girl at Jackie & Dan's 1981 wedding. I looked stunning then, hopefully I still have it in me!

Open your shades, open your window, and enjoy the sun you sun-lovers.


every kid in new york should at some point in their stay here, have an older native new Yorker there to tell them stories about the way it used to be. my older native new Yorker storyteller is doug - robin's dad. he is a treasure chest. I only want to introduce him to a choice few that won't abuse the treasure. know what I mean? I only have a few friends that really appreciate older people. I just think its too late tho for me to go introducing someone to him, and too much of me to ask that person to stop by and visit him every once in a while.
its not like doug is alone. quite the contrary. but no one asks him questions.
anyway yesterday I asked doug what he thought about judy garland. he told me this story, which I will attempt to relay to you now. oh. doug is a brilliant story teller. so brilliant in fact that I put that quality as one of the things I will require of my husband. so fellas, on top of fixing cars, making a mean pasta sauce, and keeping a full beard, you will have to tell a good story. thanks.

okay so it went like this.

Doug's reporter friend Nick, was out on assignment to cover a Judy Garland concert at an ice skating rink in new jersey.
this was the point in Judy's career before her big comeback. lets just say it was her low point.
so the reporter is at the rink, and knocks on her dressing room door. he enters, and inside the room is Judy, a vanity table, a make-up compact, and a phone.
he sits down, when the phone rings.
she picks it up, and through the receiver Nick can hear:
Mrs. Garland, this is the white house calling.
and then the reporter hears JFK get on the line and say
Yes, Mrs. Garland today is my birthday...

So there in the dressing room at a skating rink in New Jersey, Judy sang happy birthday to the President of the United States.

I think that’s a great story. this is why every young person in nyc needs a storyteller. don't you


its one of those days where i have a million things in my head, but then when i go write them out - its like "oh. vera drake was a good movie" or "yeah. its fun on wednesday's to treat robin to sushi after work". it all comes out obvious and lacking any kind of wave.

there was one moment today that - wait, actually the moment was last night. i was watching gilmore girls.

wha? disclaimer -
adam asked me once why girls like gilmore girls, and i didn't even have to think about the answer.
guys - we girls like gilmore girls because every girl has this idea that we can do it without you. and that the diner owner (who cooks) is hot and in love with us. and that we will have a beautiful daughter, and rich parents, and all we do all day is bitch about the rich parents but ask them for money, and talk about the hot boys that we date, and have movie nights.
that life fellas - is kind of this secret dream we all had when we were playing dolls...

so anyway. i was watching gilmore girls. it was a good one. whatever. the episode ended with judy garland singing in "A Star is Born". i recognized the song from my judy obsession last last christmas, turned off the tv, and put it in the player.
all of a sudden as i layed down, i felt the spirit of new york. it was great. i started missing midtown, and got all reminiscent of some times here - specifically christmas times, new york bars, 5th avenue, the park.
i wish i could attach the mp3 for you. this song is really really beautiful. and after a long day at work today - it was great to have as a total escape on my way out of the building. even tho its not the same to walk home anymore. the song took me back.
thats the magic of songs. right?
one more thing before i subject you to the lyrics. as i was dozing off last night, i let the player play. and the song that followed the slow song was a song called "San Francisco". Not the tony bennet version. the upbeat "open your golden gate" version. Any sign I can take at this point, I take. I took it as a sign - "New York is not going anywhere. Move on to the next adventure"

Of course thats just me.

Oh and I really love the audience on that live at carnegie CD of hers. they are so polite and so much more appreciative and gregarious than our audiences today. I feel like i was borne in the wrong decade.

Without further adeui -

The Man That Got Away.

The night is bitter,
The stars have lost their glitter;
The winds grow colder
And suddenly you're older -
And all because of the man that got away.

No more his eager call,
The writing's on the wall;
The dreams you dreamed have all
Gone astray.

The man that won you
Has gone off and undone you.
That great beginning
Has seen the final inning.
Don't know what happened. It's all a crazy game!

No more that all-time thrill,
For you've been through the mill -
And never a new love will
Be the same.

Good riddance, good-bye!
Ev'ry trick of his you're on to.
But, fools will be fools -
And where's he gone to?

The road gets rougher,
It's lonelier and tougher.
With hope you burn up -
Tomorrow he may turn up.
There's just no letup the live-long night and day!

Ever since this world began
There is nothing sadder than
A one-man woman looking for
The man that got away....
The man that got away.


why aren't british films considered foreign language? like, why was vera drake up for awards.
I am not bashing vera drake at all. but the film was totally proud to be English. like it even had a logo during the credits that said "filmed in england".
I am not going to tell you anything about this movie. why? because that will make it just that much better.
don't read the back. don't read the blurb. I got an academy viewing copy, so there was no blurb or preview or premise. I put the movie in, and wow. I am actually surprised that she didn't win the oscar.

watch this movie - or ask to borrow mine. specially if you are a girl.


Robin conversation of the day.

For some reason today has been dragging on. We had finished every task before us, consumed dinner, and were just lounging around her room.
She is not allowed to have internet on the ibook in her room - so I get bored easily if she is entertaining herself, and I have nothing to read. I am sure if I was a mom – this would be the point where I would go bake, or read the bible...

Me: hey. Go get that black laptop from the other room and bring it in here.
Robin: okay. Why, because it has internet?
Yeah. (she starts to run off.)
NO WAIT – if your dad sees you carrying the laptop, what are you going to tell him?

That we are having a 'computer party'.
oscar comments.

1. swank's dress didn't fit the shoulders. i kept wanting her to adjust.
2. julia's boobs looked amazing. i think i saw her veins - they were so full!
3. favorite dress was scarlett's.
4. renee needs to get over jack white.
5. does oprah always have to cause a scene? do we need to be reminded that she's black?


Pretend like I was a guest writer on that crappy new(old) Beastie Boys album where all they do is shout out things about NYC & world trag-ed-y, in order to make themselves look like aging dorks. Mine is specific to new yorkers hailing from India.

Yo Indians! Why you gotta make da food so spicy??!
My mouths on fire, and I'm feeling kinda dicey
Wassup with dis dessert cuz it tastes like pine-sol
If we pee in your cab, do you kill the germs with lysol?

sep tember
(pause pause pause)
Turbans went flyin'
Turbans went flyin'

deec ember
(pause pause pause)
Taj Mahal was cryin'
Taj Mahal was cryin'

Favorite NYC Bowling Palace.
I wish you could hear the sound of this place. Its a two-floored bowling alley! I have never seen that before. So you get the sounds of bowling from up top, meshed with the sounds of bowling from down below.
I wanted to make a tape like "The Dudes" where he is laying on the rug, listening to the sounds of pins falling & balls rolling.
But of course I forgot my recorder.
But not my bowl.
sherri will be on the food network sometime this week. she decorates cakes in Baltimore. she will be carving a cat out of cake, and wearing a skirt she bought after I dragged her into a Madison church bazaar. That’s my sherri. Carving cake cats & wearing skirts.
Sherri also told me that California is all about good food and good wine. I was lamenting about eli's.

eli's homage to tiebaud.

eli's homage to sir paul mc cartney.

did I ever tell you about the time I worked in east Hampton for a summer and couldn't get the nerve to throw a lobster in the pot?

"oh anise - why don't you go get lobsters for everyone?"
kind of how she said "oh anise just make a turkey for tonight's dinner."
done deal.
so I jumped in the Tracker with the dave matthew tape & headed to the fish market.

if dave matthews sponsored an ipod like u2 did, what color would the ipod be?

blue & red, right?

at the fish market. I examined all the kinds of tartar sauces, & wished I could get oysters or bluefish instead. but no. I had to ask for 5 alive lobsters.

I told them to triple bag it with locks & chains. if you know me at all you know that its against my religion to ask for a bag. but I am freaked out by lobster spider legs, and beaty eyes. I was afraid that if a lobster got out of the bag while I was driving, it might just take me down, and drive the car to Montauk so it could crawl back to sea.

whatever this is getting long winded.

I brought the lobsters home and announced to the house & staff that "if anyone wanted lobster for dinner, I will get the kettle ready, but I will not be touching any lobsters or even getting them out of the car. feel free to boil your own lobster."

being an agreeable employee up until that moment, the house was a little shocked. so they did as I said, and I in turn grabbed becky & a bottle from their stash, and we snuck out to the beach.
the end.


since I would much rather host thursday night poker nights & encourage drugs & dancing, for the next 4 weekends, I am slowly giving all of my babysitting gigs to other, more responsible ladies. the first one I am letting go is Babyface Ben. I really never talked about him on this BLOG but he was a big part of my "anti-atm" fund. or shall I say his parents were large contributors. ben was sweet as all babies are, & he has a smile that consumes his face. we met this summer when he couldn't walk or talk. now he's walking & saying "no", "baff" & "jesse" (his dog). In his free time, he enjoys tv, eating, basketball & of course the dancing elmo doll. bye ben & family & THANKS.


he asked me "what are you going to miss the most one month from now?"
All I could think at the time was "you!" Which is true, but seriously I am going to miss impromptu nights like last night.

it's one of those mornings where everyone is late. I am actually a little concerned. but more happy than concerned.

I mean really. one person is here.

the insanely hyper overnight girl needs to drop it a couple notches in order for me to not start vomiting.

it's one of those mornings where I send emails like this:

James -
Nevermind the mess when you get home. Things got a little hairy last night. I'll be around to pick up the mess tomorrow.

tomorrow. saturdays are so delicious. how many times do we tell ourselves and others that we will be around to pick up the mess tomorrow.

and then never follow through. the filth just sitting there.
the slobber drying.
phonecall never made.
underwear changed.

Sofia blanc de blancs. it comes with the worlds coolest straw - expandable & flexible. I served it in frozen wine glasses.

Annie Hall was on mute. scenes we stopped to laugh & recite:
1. Beekman theatre
2. Universe expanding
3. Allison porchnick - me to guest in the kitchen "IT’S THE ALLISON PORCHNICK PART! GET IN HERE!"
4. score coke in LA
5. Paul Simon saying "jack & angelica"
6. Annie & spider.
7. annies dad & his drink.

usually guests make my table look like this

or this

last night my table looked like this.

to me, it looks more lived-in. more like people over the age of 27.
27. The age where you kind of question alcohol.
you've done it. you know what its gonna do.
you are okay with half the room sipping water,
and the other half not smoking.
you talk about commute patterns,
running patterns,
and bush patterns.
You've applied to random jobs & programs,
you're done slobbering on people.
you pass on young parties.
anyway. one night, it snows.
you call. they knock.


view from the plane of snowy farms.
he buys pizza all the time because, I mean, what else is he going to spend his money on.


I guess this hilary duff & Lindsay lohan grudge is the same as when britney spears and Christina agulera were grudging each other. or maybe like Katherine Hepburn & Ava Gardner.
Every girl needs an arch enemy.


yesterday in the airport I was letting my mind wander. I thought "what greater hell than being stuck in an airport, wanting to get hot & steamy; seeing nooks and crannies to sneak in, but seeing no people to sneak with?" so I went to the atm, pulled out 60, and taxied into downtown Seattle to walk it off.
In my pictures, downtown Seattle looks like White Plains. I felt no draw, or reason to live there. So that’s a relief. Cross another city off the "maybe some day" list.

One kudos for seattle - its one of those cities that has a croud of 8 lined up at Patagonia before the store opens...


Sneakin' pics of Papa.

his room.


This is Opal the dog. She is my mom's and she went on a road trip with us today to my favorite town in Alaska - Homer. Doesn't she look thrilled.
Its amusing the things your parents put around the house to remind them of you when you are not home. for instance, blog posts???
exihibit a:

exihibit b:

and then there are the fridge posts. One brother has all his sports photos, one brother had picture magnets made(!) of him drinking beer in various parts of the world. Kat & Paul made the fridge! The pic is from her tex party. what a night. i look at that and think "well my parents don't need to know all the deets of that night." and then i checked out the brothers fancy photo magnets. upon closer inspection, the front of his shirt is drenched. but again, do we need to know all the deets of his night? guess not. the fact is "hey mom. look. i am with friends and i am smiling."
Is saying “I like old people” in the same light as saying “I like black people” or “I like chinamen”. “Old” is kind of putting them in their obvious box, right? And some people who are of the older set, might get offended by that.
Maybe you should say “I like people that have 50 years more living experience” or “I like wise people”.
My papa is in a nursing home. This is NOT him pictured. We went for a visit, and my gosh if this is not a den of great pictures of life, love and spilled milk.

G-ma & I ended our lunch with a little pina colada (Cuz I’m Not Dying!) while singing “76 Trombones in the hit parade…”
I embellish.
We only made it through the first sentence of that song, before I looked up and noticed a moose was watching my every move so I stopped singing. But by golly if grandma wasn’t ready with that rat-a-tat-tat on the table.

So that was fun. My mom got a little mad that I got into a car with (and I quote) “a drunk driver”…
1 1/2 drinks ma??? Come on. Gma couldn’t finish her colada, and if I remember correctly she didn’t really scrape the bottom of that pre-game Irish coffee. But either way, in my mom’s eyes “she was drunk”.
I survived (whew) the drive with the drunk, and we made it to a town called Sol-dot-na. They have all these ice sculptures around town. I don’t know what to make of the sculptures really, because half of them are melting.

Topics covered during lunch:
1. Aunt Linda called, and said she has a lead on my yellow lab. She said the price was 200. I made a sour face. Then a. linda asked “well what is she going to do if it breaks its leg?” (This question being asked at the height of the drinking binge) So I yell out “I will take it back to a. Lindas place!” and gma was right there with me imitating a 3 legged dog, while I said “here a. Linda, you can have this dog back. Something is wrong with its leg? Well gotta run!”

2. I made a promise that one of my children (bless their poor poor hearts) will address my grandma as “gigi”. Apparently she has always wished that one of her great grand kids address her as “gigi”. I didn’t ask. I just said “well fine. My kid will call you 'gigi'.”

So the family has decided that I am to be buried in my gold converse. They love them more than I do I think & apparently the best part of my “Cuz I’m Not Dying!” story is the part where I spent $110 on gold converse from Barneys.
They really were purchased in that life-is-short fashion. I had been admiring the shoes from afar. And then when I was feeling really grey one day, I took the crosstown bus over to the Westside and got my gold shoes.
If I could have worn them to bed, I would have. I have worn them every day since. They really did work. And now serve as comic relief.
My mom said I need to get them framed. Makes it easy, because they are basically already bronzed! So anyway – I now have the shoe portion of my coffin outfit planned. Thank goodness!


Now I Know Why The Caged Bear Doesn't Growl.


this is my new office view.

i'm back in the saddle baby. I got my camera. I got my blood. and damn it all if I now have an office the same color scheme as my blog. yipee for me.


today ended one month of dark days, crying bedtimes, and cold hands.
A month ago I was told I am the carrier of X, and that it will eventually kill me.
Today I was told that I am not the carrier of X, and that there was a mixup at the hospital....

So i am not dying.
Being the soul of a body, that for one month was my worst enemy - I have to say its good to have my old body back.

What kind of lesson was this?
I appreciate more. I made grand plans to see grand things. i bought gold converse. i wore a white heart ring for myself on valentines day. i steamed artichokes and ate beets.

when i looked at the sky however, all i saw was grey.

yah know,

you get a kitchen, you hang a spice rack.
you add books one by one to your bookshelf over five years.
you borrow the car
you take two hundred pictures on new years eve
You hope he wasn't just a drunk thing.

then one day your spice rack is thrown to the floor, your broken bookshelf holds no books, the car breaks down, camera gets stolen, and yes - he was all just a drunk thing.

joke's on you.

standing there trying to make sense of everything. you just stand there. walk around. buy a ticket home. put your head on your keyboard.

letting everything get messy.

and now i am back to clean it up.

today when i look at the sky - i see the silver and gold light that i saw before. i hear the hum of the city instead of the horns.


There were errors.

I am watching a standing ovation at madison avenue. they are all standing and clapping for dogs.
Why is it called the Westminster Dog show if its held in New York each year? Why not hold it in England?

Also - I am trying to pinpoint a certain look that each dog shower sports, and the only thing I can say that they all share would be wearing sneakers with suits. They all have to wear sneakers to run around in those circles.
Other than that all dog owners look different.
Maybe most of them have brown hair. I don't see many blondes.

The Hounds are up next.


sometimes things get crazy. sometimes things are pretty mellow. I try to shoot for mellow, but all that trying makes crazy get in the way.
I like this song by Ida. Its pretty dang mellow. Its nice to listen to while laying on your bed, hands folded & resting on your torso, right ankle on top of left ankle, light shining in room, eyes fixed on ceiling, no one but you in house.


i bought a camera for myself today. i have been nothing without my camera. sometimes it makes my heart physically hurt. i see beautiful things, go and reach for my camera, and my pocket is empty.

so i have my camera back, or, i will have it back on thursday. a camera that was just like my old camera. i am picking it up on thursday by the flatiron building. picking it up on my lunchbreak because i need it to take a picture of the snow in alaska on friday.

my mom says its as high as the roof of the house.

and she also says we can make snow angels together.

now thats something someone would need a camera for.




Favorite conversation of the day:
Robin: Can I rollerblade up and down the hall while practicing recorder and screaming??
Anise: Sure, but when your dad comes home; ACT NORMAL.
Robin: okaaaaaaaaaay.

Today after work I was pleasantly surprised. I went to the cute little school to pick up cute little robin, in the cute little west village.
I sat down, and made a couple phone calls. Robin walked up, and said "Anise! Can I go to my friends piano recital right now after school?!"
"Of course! Save me a seat!"
So there I was, not one hour after dreary work, sitting in an old school house recital-room listening to 10 year olds play yankee doodle dandy and mary's lamb.
I looked around the room at all of the gloating parents, and did a little gloating myself. I mean, afterall, I was attending a FREE piano recital with the ever-so-urban Robin on my right, and 9 year old daughter-of-fashion-designer Rachel on my left. While trying to keep robin from climbing the walls, Rachel would whisper into my ear which outfits she thought looked cool, and which girls were pretty. We both agreed that Sarah Wang's hot fuscia sweater/orange skirt/with pants ensemble was the best yet, and that Micah McInerney was a little obnoxios.
After the show we all mingled and drank apple juice, ate rice krispie treats and talked about how amazing shaniqua's performance was - it being her first time, and her playing bach and all...


If you work in an office, and have not watched BBC's "The Office", might I suggest doing so - A.S.A.P.



I thought the second season ended on a bit of a dark note? or was that just me because I feel Tim's pain?

Maybe it was just me.

If possible, watch Seasons 1 & 2.

Here are the lyrics to the theme song -

And what becomes of you my love,
When they have finally stripped you of,
The handbags and the gladrags,
That your Grandad had to sweat so you could buy.


lets be honest ladies - (paul g. take no offense please) the guy is a little goofy looking.


but you still kind of have a crush on him, right? right. So can't we all just agree that paul giamatti looks his best when in a full beard and longish hair & glasses? I mean, I am a fan of the dirty hippie look - but I find myself oddly attracted to this fella too. so combine the two and its total crush-mode-fantastic.


book title: Is Vodka the Root of all Evil?


robin asked me "what is the difference between a slut and a virgin?".

She asked me this on the subway. So I had an audience. I took a deep breath.
"a slut sleeps around, a virgin has never had sex."
"a slut is a bad person tho, right?"
"a slut is not a bad person. who told you that?"
"my dad."
"oh - well then I guess some people think a slut can be a bad person -but not all sluts are bad people. Onto virgin. You know the Virgin Mary, right? Jesus's mom?"
"oh yeah"
"well people call her the Virgin Mary because she got pregnant by never having sex. it was called the immaculate conception."
"do you actually believe that stuff? or is that a fairy tale, or a myth?"
"it’s a story for some people to believe and find comfort in. as for myself personally, I don't really feel right believing that."

and that wraps up another vigorating subway ride with the 9 year-old.


I was sitting on the subway of course, wishing I could forget a number. like erase it from my memory. erase the whole situation and honestly be able to play dumb. and then I thought, "gosh, that would be a great idea for a movie".

And then I looked up and saw the Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind DVD-now-on-sale poster.

Later that evening I was chugging away at the boring-but-getting-interesting Bresson movie titled Diary of a Priest, I thought about the cute check-me-out boy at the Video Room who suggested the movie, and how our friendship so far is a good idea for a movie. Aside from the time my flirty mom invited him over to watch Saved with us... our weekly movie suggestions and discussions seems to be budding into a nice little script. so the movie would be both people suggesting movies that in one way or another let the other person know how they feel about the other person. Along with celebrating love for cinema, the movie would be a movie with little movies inside a budding friendship.
the movie would end with the boy suggesting another movie and when the girl says she would like to rent - he says something like: "oh, actually I have that movie checked out right now. Do you want to watch it with me?"
fade to black.

The title would be Movie, and star Bruce Jackman and Phyllis Moorehead.


Where do taxi cab drivers use the bathroom?

Do they drive around with catheders?

And why did 34 whales beach themselves last night in North Carolina?

Was it an after aftermath of the sue-nami?

This photo was taken from our goverment's website. Read about Muslims in the American workplace here.


about the newly installed door.

so there's a double door, and now another double door.

really. there is your apartment door, a front door, and then a subway door, and then a locked door, or the rotating door.

another propped-open door, and then THE double door,

and now we have just added another door.

security. this is a 24 hour company.

we need 2 doors. one within 10 feet of the other.

if you get in one door, can you get in another?

if you get in another door, can you get in one door?