I used to work for a socialite, & at a popular store in the village - so I would like to publish all the conversations that I have had with famous people. If noted otherwise, all conversations took place on the phone.
Melanie Griffith -
M: (in a verrrry chilled out whisper) Hey, it's Melanie.
A: wha, who?
M: Melanie Griffith. How are you?
A: uh, great. How are you?
M: ahh everything is cool with me. say, do you know when Stella should be there in the morning?
A: at the apartment?
M: yeah, she is going to camp with robin.
A: no, I am sorry I have no clue what time Stella should be there. I suggest you call Liz. Do you have her cell number?
M: Yeah, let me check that with you. (check number) Cool. Thank you.
A: No problem. Have a great night.
Paul Newman -
P: hey its Newman, is Lizzie there?
A: no, can I take a message?
P: ah, just tell her newman called.
C: is Liz there?
A: No, may I take a message?
C: Its Chelsea.
A: Would you like me to have her call you back?
C: Don't you have another number where I can reach her?
A: I could give you her cell phone.
C: Okay. I will try her there.
Alec Baldwin - (we met once at a restaurant in East Hampton - and he found out that I was from Alaska.)
Al: Hey Alaska! How's Robin?
A: Great. What are you up to?
Al: Just felt like an afternoon jog. I am going to keep my car in the drive way while I jog the beach.
A: Thatís cool with me.
Al: Great. I'll be back in the next hour.
A: Have fun.
Debbie Harry -
D: Is Miles in?
A: Yes, may I tell him who is calling?
D: Debbie Harry.
A: just a second -
Paul Newman -
Doug: Anise something is burning in the kitchen.
A: Oh my! I left robin's papers in the stove!
P & JoAnne Woodward: (laugh at me)
D: what!? why would you do a thing like that?
A: I never use the stove, and needed a place to store her work.
P: Well its cooked now!
D: thatís for sure.
later, in the kitchen:
P: say, could you tell me where the beer is?
A: yeah, in the fridge, let me get it -
P: oh, no thatís okay sweetie.
again, in the kitchen:
P: Would you mind hooking me up with another Sierra?
A: No problem.
P: The meal was absolutely delicious.
A: Gee, thanks.
Bev D'Angelo -
B: oh, that girl loved you. Do you nanny?
A: No, but I baby sit and tutor from time to time.
B: How are you with 2 year old twin boys??
A: Love 2 year olds. I used to watch two boys both under 2.
B: Great. could I have your number in case I need a sitter?
A: not a problem.
Lauren Bacall -
L: Hello darling, where is the coat room?
A: around the corner to your right.
L: Thank you.
McCauley Culkin -
M: I am waiting for a small Buddha statue from the back room - could you tell me how long the wait will be?
A: Well, I would guess maybe 15 minutes. You could wait here, or I could page you once Jose returns.
M: I will wait here.
A: Fine - so how has your day been?
Holly Hunter -
H: Hello, I am interested in a comforter over there, could you help me?
A: Yes, I will find a sales associate for you. Please wait here.
Barbara Walters -
A: ABC Carpet & Home, how may I help you?
B: I would like to purchase 6 gift certificates for my staff.
A: Great - whom may I say these are from?
B: Barbara Walters. Actually could you individualize them?
(then we went through the whole process. I doubt you want to read that, and I dont want to type it.)
Jimmy Buffet -
A: Johnson residence, Anise speaking.
J: Hey - Lizzie in?
A: Sure, may I ask who is calling?
J: Jimmy Buffet.
A: please hold.
J: dinner was delicious. Thank you.
A: Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!
Alan Alda -
Al: Thank you! Dinner was fantastic!
A: Thank you! glad you had fun.
Dan Rather -
D: Where could I find a restroom?
A: Down the hall, to the left.
Michael Pitt -
A: Hey, I never do this, but I just wanted to say you were amazing in Hedwig.
M: thank you. I really appreciate that.
A: Man, it was fucking brilliant.
I would like to post an ad asking if anyone would like to become my pen pal with one stipulation - we write each other high on weed (not that I would do that kind of thing). now, I was going to post this on craigslist - but that would be me basically saying "hey feds, here I am, email me, pretend you are high, become my best friend, put me in a compromising position where one day you just so happen to "not have any weed on you" and sentence me to the slammer at 26, for narcotics possession". So anyway, again - let me reiterate that this is an IDEA. Here is the ad I will never post:
wanted: pen pal who is willing to email me high on marijuana. you do not read high times. you get high to hear things in music, look at situations from a different perspective, laugh, and dance around. for some reason I donít want a girl writing me high - I know that's sexist - but I picture my high pen pal being male. To add more to the fun I recommend a song, then you recommend a song to listen and then comment on. my pick to get things rolling is track 1 on Hail to the theif. a little obvious of a pick, but it should get things rolling. hope to hear from you soon.
I have an idea for a college cooking show to air on the Food Network. Every episode would represent a different college. The audience would wear their college sweatshirts - maybe the show would take the occasional cross country trip to different schools. I would have a male and female host, and they would be professional chefs- having just graduated from chef school. I want them to be chefs because I donít think it would be fair to give hosting positions on Food Network to anything but chefs. If they were not chefs - the show would be more geared for MTV. The crux of the show would basically be how to live off of 5 dollars a day, with a microwave, a stove used only to boil water, and no tv dinners allowed. Here is an example recipe to be featured on the show:
makeshift pizza in a coffee mug.
1/2 a coffe mug of bisquick
some cheese - but if you donít have any, it will be fine without.
some spaghetti sauce.
directions: fill a coffee mug half full of bisquick baking powder. add water until you get the same consistency of shampoo. put the mug into the microwave for a about 2 minutes. the bisquick will in turn cook into a nice roll right inside the cup. take mug out after two minutes - looking at the top to make sure all dough is cooked. with a fork, pull the roll away from the cup, and pour some spaghetti sauce onto the roll. sprinkle with cheese and enjoy.
other toppings: honey & butter, brown sugar, cheese, jelly.
got nothing to do this summer? These guys decided that it would be fun to walk from Chicago to san Francisco. if you are still making summer plans and thinking of something fun and creative to embark on - I am thinking it might be cool to meet up with them forrest gump style. create a small summer revolution of sorts.
Last Thursday at work, I went into the office break room to get a plastic knife for cutting an ice cream cake. After 15 minutes of struggling with a plastic knife, my supervisor suggested that I go retrieve a real knife from the drawer by the sink. So, I went back to the break room, to the drawer by sink. To my surprise, I found about 12 knives, all larger than my head, all sharp as fuck. Well, I donít know how sharp the word 'fuck' is, but it always make things sound tough, and in this case, I am hoping the word will convey a sharpness, uncanny to any sharpness you have experienced. So anyway. I would like to express how disturbed I am by the amount of sharp knives that exist in a place I had associated as being generally sterile. Sterile in personality. Sterile in hygiene. Sterile in dťcor. In the end I shook it off, and told myself that I had been watching way too much Six Feet Under for fuck's sake.
Here is Tamara's joke about knives being in the kitchen:
Boss: You're fired.
Tamara: What? uh, wait a second, can we move this conversation to the kitchen?? Uh, I think I need a cup of coffee... I'll be right back.