today ended one month of dark days, crying bedtimes, and cold hands.
A month ago I was told I am the carrier of X, and that it will eventually kill me.
Today I was told that I am not the carrier of X, and that there was a mixup at the hospital....

So i am not dying.
Being the soul of a body, that for one month was my worst enemy - I have to say its good to have my old body back.

What kind of lesson was this?
I appreciate more. I made grand plans to see grand things. i bought gold converse. i wore a white heart ring for myself on valentines day. i steamed artichokes and ate beets.

when i looked at the sky however, all i saw was grey.

yah know,

you get a kitchen, you hang a spice rack.
you add books one by one to your bookshelf over five years.
you borrow the car
you take two hundred pictures on new years eve
You hope he wasn't just a drunk thing.

then one day your spice rack is thrown to the floor, your broken bookshelf holds no books, the car breaks down, camera gets stolen, and yes - he was all just a drunk thing.

joke's on you.

standing there trying to make sense of everything. you just stand there. walk around. buy a ticket home. put your head on your keyboard.

letting everything get messy.

and now i am back to clean it up.

today when i look at the sky - i see the silver and gold light that i saw before. i hear the hum of the city instead of the horns.