Homeless Jingles That I Would Like to Record, and Play at Parties:
1. that one guy who recreates the "bing bong" door opening sound, and thinks that he is fucking funnier than a whoopie cushion.
2. "hi. my name is teddy. I am collectin' for the homeless..."
3. "excuse me, we are from germany, my girlfriend is pregnant, and we need money to get back home before she has her baby."
4. (out of breath and looking confused)"hey - I just locked all of my film equipment and wallet in my friends apartment - could you spare 20 bucks so I could take a cab to get his keys?? give me your address and phone number, so I can reimburse you."
5. "excuse me, this is somewhat difficult for me to do. I was recently released from a mental hospital and would like your change..." something like that.
number five's jingle belongs to my favorite homeless guy. his style reminds me of a beastie boy. whenever I see him, in my head I call him adam yauch. he is the most hip homeless man around. he shaves, his hair is salt and pepper - elvis style, and his clothes are right out of diesel catalogue. It is my goal to someday interview this guy.
Here are some questions I would ask him:
q: dude, where did you get those wicked puma sneakers? those have got to be circa 1972.
q: in your jingle you make reference to having just been released from a mental hospital. where were you staying? do you miss it?
q: do you ever go back for visits?
q: was it like that one movie - "girl interrupted", was wynona ryder there?
q: where did you get that sweater?
q: you are always so well kept. where do you shave?
q: what's heroin like?