Is a sign of a successful vacation the fact that you gained back the ten pounds you lost in-prep-for the vacation, and a 2nd degree sunburn?

Why is that always the case?

Today I went flying around the Kenai Peninsula with Larry and Kelly. We saw a black bear, a mama bear and cubs jogging along a river, some swans, and a moose just laying down taking a nap. Pretty cool man.

The other day I was on a run, and actually had to stop running, because a moose was in my path. I kind of freaked out and sprinted home. I was wheezing the rest of the day; and i don't have asthma. From that day forward, my brother Joshua has been escorting me on my daily run. This has not helped the wheezing... if anything, its made it worse. Hopefully tho, I will go back to NYC a better runner. In prep for the marathon of course.

In addition to flying around; i also applied to some Seattle jobs today. I think it would be funny to work for Starbucks in Seattle. My bro's think it would be funny too. So I applied. If anything, for a good family laugh over dinner today.

family eating pizza.
anise: so. I applied to be an area manager inspector of Starbucks in Seattle today.
family: parents choke on pizza. brothers laugh.

i am trying to get some pictures on this old slut of a blog - but i don't have my photo tools here in AK like i do in NYC. I got some great shots. Seems a shame they will have to wait.

Lyrics anyone? A little S&G for the pervert in you? Enjoy. I will be back June 1st with the breakdown.

I’m sitting in the railway station.
Got a ticket to my destination.
On a tour of one-night stands my suitcase and guitar in hand.
And ev’ry stop is neatly planned for a poet and a one-man band.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought’s escaping,
Home where my music’s playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Ev’ry day’s an endless stream
Of cigarettes and magazines.
And each town looks the same to me, the movies and the factories
And ev’ry stranger’s face I see reminds me that I long to be,
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought’s escaping,
Home where my music’s playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.

Tonight I’ll sing my songs again,
I’ll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.
Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought’s escaping,
Home where my music’s playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Silently for me.

Jason Baker does Alaska.

For some reason, I found some of these “no” responses to my birthday party – rather funny. I deleted most of them, but for the past few days I have been too busy to obsessively delete. Here are some of the best of “no” responses.

oh shit hey anise... no I don´t quit live anywhere I am in Chile now traveling around south america. I plan to be back in the Us on June 30th I am flying into NYC but planning on moving on from there...

lol...hey anise... i saw ur website...and its too funny...well i have a no respond tooo...cant beat some of your friends...bUT i sprained my ankel...FOR REAL!!! i would love to skate...but at this momnet, i can only sit there and watch and that would drive me insane!!!! so have a balst rolling around and show off some grooves on wheels.

I am bummed to report this, but due to the fact that I am completely Flat broke (100$ in my checking account that must last for almost a week) I cannot attend your birthday. I am sorry. I promise to make it up to you. I should be financial much more solid when I get back from California on May 23rd. Perhaps (name) and I could take you out for a post-birthday drink then? I would like that.

I'd love to come it sounds awesome! I hope you have a great time. I'll be at the hospital wiping somebody's butt I wishing I could be there. Have a great birthday!
(from my friend who is a nurse in San Diego)

Hey Anise, Happy Birthday! Sorry that I won't be able to make it there because I'll be working on Wednesday night. On Wednesday and Thursday I'm working nights on "Romance and Cigerettes", The Gandolfini movie. We're burning down a house in Queens for those two nights.

I am sorry to be getting back to you so late. I have a final tomorrow night so I will not be able to come out to your party. Though i do wish i was there instead of my spanish class. I hope you have a great time. Thanks for thinking of me and inviting me!

I hate to be a party pooper but I wanted to give you some warning that I might not be able to make it Wednesday. I have my final paper due for my class. I may be stuck working on that. Bummer. I'll let you know for sure as soon as I get a sense of it myself.

word anise. I'm in Israel on Wed. Lets chill this summer.

Happy Birthday a little early. I want to come and skate with you. Poo. How is everything with you? When are you leaving for your trip?

I'm so sorry that I can't come. But, I did arrange for Thoth to be there! Okay, not really. That would have made me super cool though. Enjoy the B-day. Hope you have a good time rollerskatin'

i'm not gonna make it to your rollerskating birthday extravaganza. but have a great time! it will take a lot for me to get there, and i don't really want to try skating in front of people i don't know, so i would just be watching. please understand.

I'll let you know about the party later this week...anyway I'm looking for temporary roommate (could lead to long term) May 15 – July 1.... $800 per month, utilities extra. I moved to Newport New Jersey its on the path train really convenient in a luxury doorman bldg with laundry etc. Its a 3 bed two bath apt...

I hope you're doing well. I'm on vacation at the moment and I won't be back until early next week. I'll try to make it, but it all depends on how quickly I get over the time difference.

Hey how are you? I'm still in brooklyn, I don't know if I'll be able to attend your b-day but happy b-day, maybe we can get together sometime in the city to catch up? I'll let you know if I can make it though next week. Peace

darling anise, i am ever so thrilled to be invited to your party - it sounds fantabulous!!!!!!! unfortunately i am still stuck in copenhagen, so maybe next year... but i wish you all the bestest and pinkest and skatest, have a wonderful time and live it up, baby!! lovelovelove,

B. Clinton's book title is a little bit of a let-down. I mean really. "My Life"? What kind of creative team was he working with??

Everytime I am getting ready to travel - or am actually traveling - for some reason or other, certain albums re-appear in my life. 1. would be Joni Mitchell Blue. If you don't know already, most of the songs on that album are about travel. 2. would be Graceland by Paul Simon, and then 3. is Simon again, singing the song "America" with Garfunkel. So in honor of that song. Here are the perfect words. My fave parts in bold.

Let us be lovers we'll marry our fortunes together
I've got some real estate here in my bag
So we bought a pack of cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner's pies
And we walked off to look for America
Cathy I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
Michigan seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've gone to look for America
Laughing on the bus playing games with the faces
She said the man in the gabardine suit was a spy
I said be careful his bowtie is really a camera
Toss me a cigarette I think there's one in the raincoat
We smoked the last one an hour ago
So I looked at the scenery she read her magazine
And the moon rose over an open field
Cathy I'm lost I said though I knew she was sleeping
I'm empty and aching and I don't know why
Counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike
They've all come to look for America
All come to look for America

I was thinking about women kicking ass again - brought on by my viewing Kill Bill Volume 2 (and Blue Crush - but lets not judge me. okay? I like surf movies, as of late). So I was thinking about kicking ass, and I was laying in bed this morning and I thought maybe I should go kick some ass on that loop around central park. So I got all geared up and went to the loop. What was actually happening at the loop was pretty cool. Child Magazine was sponsoring some kind of women's run. So for like 10 minutes, I sat on the bench and watched all these strong women kick the loop & each others' ass. Then I went on my own little run, and was so moved by all of these strong women that I just couldn't help but start silently crying. For any of you that have never done that, let me be the first to tell you that running while crying is VERY painful. Plus I was trying to hide the whole scene and play it cool. No worries - I was wearing a hat - but still. I seriously couldn't help myself. It was all I could do but feed off of the feeling in the air that these women were putting out there. I am really hoping I get chosen to run the marathon. I don't want to talk about it too much - for fear I will jinx myself. But after my experience this morning - I know I have it in me. I know I can do it and seriously kick ass. I WANT to kick ass.

Also. Kill Bill Volume 2 was nothing short of being a perfect movie to watch on Mother's Day weekend. Nothing made me want a child of my own, more. I sat there feeling so happy that the ultimate prize was to spend the rest of her life with her kid. The scene where they are watching TV together was my favorite. That is how Robin likes to watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch. That is how Reid likes to watch Finding Nemo. And that is how little Miles likes to watch the Amanda Show. Kids kick ass. Oh yeah. So do Moms Happy Mom Day Mom & Grandman & Great Grandma(!).

The other day at work, an email came in with this in the subject line: “Osama Bin Laden has just been captured!”

So I opened the email to find this:

“Just got this from CNN Osama Bin Laden has just been captured! A video and some pictures have been released. Go to the link below for pictures, I will update the page with the video as soon as I can. God Bless America!”

This email was followed immediately by two others - similar to the first - from names I didn’t recognize. (note: I work for a newswire, so I kind of thought it was a client.)

Anyway, I read the subject line and yelled out:

"OSAMA BIN LADEN'S BEEN CAPTURED???!!!!"
christopher: (running to the TV)
harry: "weird, that would be ALL OVER THE NEWS"
christopher: "who's the source?"
anise: silent. (like I said, I didn’t really recognize the name, but I thought maybe it was a client.)
harry: "I am telling you that would be ALL OVER THE NEWS"
anise: silent.
christopher and harry: ANISE show us the email.
anise: silent. (showing them email)
TV: talking about the Bloomberg / Snapple deal.
christopher: anise I am starting to doubt you as a human being.

Will someone please back me up on this. We NEVER get spam mail talking about Osama.

War Pigs is totally a song that should be played in a movie about Vietnam. It should be played in those shots that show the choppers landing. You know what I mean?

"Through Las Vegas Softly" from my new fave site: HIFINY.com. Also - it looks like this hifiny guy might be friends with this sixfive guy. Here is a picture he took of the motherland, back in 2000.

Christian Finnegan has done it again. The guy who got me into blogging (sigh) has rekindled my fanship last night with his new show called Sob Stories. He seems to be doing all the promoting, so I assume it's his show. Anyway, the show is the first Tuesday of every month. Check it.

Be sure to check out Todd Barry at The Marquee (great space) next Tuesday & and then Todd Barry again with Laura Kightlinger the following Tuesday. I unfortunately cannot attend that, but Paul promised he would try to make it - so maybe he will give me the lowdown. As for next Tuesday; you can count me in, Todd.

I was thinking about a skit for SNL. It would have to air when the show sucks. Right now, I feel like SNL is pretty funny. So this skit is something they keep in the back room for "sucky seasons". It is called "The Adventures of Furball Man". Picture an office setting like the one they used for the "makin' copies" skit. Jimmy Fallon would play Furball Man. Whenever people go up to him to talk - he starts choking on a furball. Or when he meets someone new - he starts choking on a furball. Or when he is ordering lunch on the downstairs deli - he starts choking on a furball.

The (cough) End.

Cleaning out old text notes on my phone:

1. Come on partner why don’t you kick off your spurs? (Elizabeth Taylor to Rock Hudson in Giant.)
2. Her lapel was worn from him placing his hand on her shoulder. (an observation I made sitting behind an old couple on the bus.)
3. Office place meets Discovery Channel. (no clue what this means)
4. Monarchy is cool because women can have power.
5.
Q: Did you ever hear the joke about the broken pencil??
A: Oh nevermind, there’s no point.

I have decided that I am going to attempt to bring the term "clowning" into the mainstream. I started this weekend. My friend Bill is up for the challenge. Are you up for the challenge? Basically replace the words joking, kidding, playing, & goofing with "CLOWNING" and you have yourselves a new way of talking.

examples:

Are you clowning off?
I am not clowning off.

Are you clowning?
I am clowning.

Stop clowning me.

New Favorite Song. So mellow. So chill. Makes you want to lay on your floor and melt.

Planet Caravan by Black Sabbath

We sail through endless skies
stars shine like eyes
the black night sighs
The moon in silver trees
falls down in tears
light of the night
The earth, a purple blaze
of sapphire haze
in orbit always

While down below the trees
bathed in cool breeze
silver starlight breaks down the night
And so we pass on by the crimson eye
of great god Mars
as we travel the universe